Thursday, January 22, 2009
Al Qaeda Agrees with Obama non-torture policy
Al Qaeda leaders announced today they too will no longer torture or kill innocent women and children. Leaders of the terrorist organization that killed over 3000 innocents on American soil said they were so touched by Obama's smooth rhetoric and refusal to take a hardline against their terrorist activities that they would unilaterally tell members of their organization plotting to destroy US infrastructure and kill millions of Americans to cease their activities immediately. Quotes picked up by the soon to be terminated NSA eavesdropping program on terrorist cell phones were " I can't bomb somebody who dances that well." "The guy's just plain cool." and "Anybody with Hussein as a middle name is all right with me." They especially noted this recent quote by Obama as the reason they will no longer attempt to wipe infidels off the face of the earth:
"We think that it is precisely our ideals that give us the strength and the moral high ground to be able to effectively deal with the unthinking violence that we see emanating from terrorist organizations around the world,"
Abdul (last name withheld by request) stated, "Words and threats may make us sweat but now they'll never harm us. Obama Akbar!" when he heard the President's comments following the closing of Guantanamo and terrorist detainment facilities worldwide.